Article on Software Industry & Marital Relationships
” We are recently married and I want to divorce my husband! I am very disgusted about the fact that he wears a lungi in the house!!!”
” I don’t care if this leads to a separation or a divorce but I will not leave Thane and move to Pune for my husband. I was born and brought up in Thane and will not leave this place!!”
“We are just not compatible! He loves English movies and I love Hindi movies….. There is nothing common between us”
In the last 25 years of my practice as a Counselor/Psychologist I have come across many cases of Marital discord and have observed a marked increase in the number of cases in the last 5 years. The statistics is alarming but even more alarming are the reasons for the divorce…….. Out of the couples who approach us, a fairly large number belongs to the Software sector. This observation really set me thinking ‘why is there a steep increase in the number of marriages failing and why are more couples with unsuccessful marriages from the software sectors?’ Definitely a matter of concern…..
Let us first look at the factors that help make any marriage successful. Why only marriage but for any relationship to be successful, the people involved in the relationship need to follow certain musts of a relationship.
- Commitment– No relationship can work one way. It has to work both ways. Both need to have equal level of commitment towards this relationship.
- Authenticity and genuineness– No relationship can hold if based on the foundation of lies. Both the partners involved in the relationship need to be genuine and authentic about their relationship and level of commitment. To err is human and so even if they have been inauthentic towards each other, they need to be authentic about their in authenticity.
- Trust– Without trust there is no relationship. Trust is an important component of any healthy relationship. If your relationship lacks trust, it’s hard to get close to the other person and to rely on him or her for support. When a couple has built a solid partnership on trust, they are free to be their authentic selves. Gaining trust takes time, and trust is a choice.
- Understanding-Understanding between partners is the basement of the strong relationship. Until you understand your partner thoroughly no relationship can survive. To build the strong relationship with the partner is what everyone wants, but fail due to the improper understanding between them. Relationship is the slow and steady process and to make it stronger it takes more time and patience. To understand anybody completely is really not an easy task, but the couples who have achieved this are the happiest. Understanding each other is most important thing for the partners to build a strong relationship.
Contrary to what is shown in movies, relationships don’t work on their own. One needs to put in a lot of efforts to make it work. This needs a lot of patience, time and high level of frustration tolerance ……….. and unfortunately none of this is to be found in today’s world of ‘sab kuchh instant ‘ and ‘yeh dil mangey more’. One needs to only accept and feel these relations rather than ‘analyze’ and ‘paralyze’ the relationship.
As working couples people land up spending very little time with each other. There is no time left to nurture relationships. And people expect the relationships will work and ‘it will happen on its own’. People from the IT sector or the Software industry try to look for logic in relationships. Relationships are humanities and life and not a calculus problem to be logical.
The bottom line is that – “A successful marriage is a result of complete commitment from both the sides and a determination to make the relationship work-come what may”. Mind you I say complete commitment because there is no such thing as a little committed or committed to some extent. Only then can a relationship stand the test of time and tide and then we can truly say “Until death do us part”.