Companionship (i.e., enjoyable shared activities) is associated with higher emotional and relational well-being. However, the role of companionship for emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction in older couples’ everyday life is not well understood.
Marriage as companionship in old age refers to the idea that, as people get older, the primary benefit of marriage often becomes having a dedicated partner to share life experiences with, provide emotional support, and combat loneliness, especially as social circles shrink and health concerns increase. One essentially needs a reliable companion to navigate the challenges of aging together.
Key points about marriage as companionship in old age:
- Reduced loneliness:
Studies show that married older adults tend to experience less loneliness compared to those who are single, as their spouse provides a consistent source of social interaction and emotional support. - Shared experiences:
A long-term partner can share memories, reminisce about past experiences, and navigate the challenges of aging together, creating a deeper connection. - Practical support:
A spouse can help with daily tasks, manage healthcare needs, and provide assistance during times of illness or reduced mobility. - Emotional well-being:
Having a partner to confide in, share joys with, and receive affection from can significantly contribute to positive mental health in old age.
Important considerations:
- Quality over status:
While marriage can offer companionship, a high-quality relationship built on mutual respect, communication, and shared values is crucial for true well-being. - Individual needs:
We all enter a relationship with the hope of getting some individual needs getting fulfilled. In the old age, a married partner can continue to help us in meeting our individual needs. - Potential challenges:
Health issues, differing needs as people age become more manageable a marriage in later life.
The emotional story for long-term marriages is really quite positive. People who get through the first 15 years of marriage learn to value each other. The partners by now have moved from mere physical attraction or infatuation to a more mature approach towards the relationship. Companionship needs become more important than physical needs or materialistic needs. They don’t have a lot of contempt for one another. They accept each other. They take pride in one another’s accomplishments. There’s this genuine respect for one another. They are no longer engaged in futile attempts to change one another, impress one another or compete with each other etc. These are now replaced by wanting to take care of each other, give each other company and nurture each other.
Some Important tips to nurture your marriage and companionship in old age:
Consider these tips to nurture your marriage as you grow old together.
- Try new things. Keep your relationship alive by finding new ways to play together. Try new activities or sports, take a class together, try new restaurants, or go to events you may not otherwise attend. It might include going on that bucket list vacation or buying season tickets to the theater or a sporting event. We tend to be creatures of habit, so overcoming autopilot and being open to adventure is essential.
- Keep communicating. Stay in tune with who your partner is and who they are becoming. We all change over time and may develop new preferences or have new goals, dreams, and plans. Turn the TV off and put your phone in another room regularly so you can connect. Have check-in conversations at least weekly to discuss upcoming plans, expectations, and schedules to keep you on the same page.
- Avoid affection deprivation. Stay in touch. As we grow older, it is common for couples to experience relationship ruts, and many tend to demonstrate less physical affection. Research continues to show the power of touch. Whether you are holding hands, hugging, giving gentle pats, or sitting next to each other while watching a movie, an electrical connection occurs, and chemicals of love and attachment are released. This, in turn, can draw you closer together and help relieve stress. Affection can also be shown through surprises, gifts, saying I love you, and random acts of service.
- Balance time together and time apart. When children move out of the house, couples often have more time on their hands. While trying new things together is important, time apart can also benefit your relationship. Have lunch with a friend, neighbor, or sibling. Spend an afternoon or evening with friends playing a sport or participating in a club. These activities can be invigorating and interesting, causing the positivity and happiness to spill over into your relationship at home. In addition, having downtime doing something you enjoy can be refreshing and provide a boost to you, which, in turn, boosts your relationship.
Marital relationship in the old age can be a big boon and if nurtured well, can provide multiple benefits. Studies show that married older adults generally experience higher levels of life satisfaction and are less likely to feel lonely compared to those who are widowed, divorced, or never married; however, the quality of the marriage and social support networks also play a crucial role in overall well-being.